Name: Kathy
Email:
Bio: Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here. Bio goes here.
Posts by Kathy:
Children Mirror Parents
January 17th, 2011Kay Woods, founder of Precious Treasures Child Care, provides around-the-clock childcare for stressed-out parents.
CDR: How do children change during a divorce?
KW: At any age, particularly a young age, children can internalize what is going on with their parents. A child can comprehend what is going on and is listening. They feel what you are feeling. If the parents are happy; they are happy. If parents are in a state of emotional upheaval, children will take on that personality. They mirror the parents.
24/7 Childcare and Sounding Board
January 13th, 2011
Kay Woods, founder of Precious Treasures Child Care, provides around-the-clock childcare for stressed-out parents.
CDR: Do you give advice about raising children?
KW: Listen, no one wants to be an inadequate parent, and while parents may be getting information from family and friends, we don’t know if that information is accurate. If they need advice, we let them know we can help. But we don’t get into therapy. We just try to focus on solutions that work for everyone.
The Science of Love
January 8th, 2011Is there a science to love? Some neuroscientists think so and are probing why some married couples maintain the spark for years. How do you keep your spark alive?
An Oasis for Stressed-Out Parents
January 4th, 2011
Kay Woods, founder of Precious Treasures Child Care, provides around-the-clock childcare for stressed-out parents.
CDR: Why did you start a 24/7 childcare center?
KW: About eight years ago, my mother and I determined there was a need to start a childcare center in the [San Francisco] bay area. We realized the stress of raising children and the affect it had on relationships. We realized there was a need for a 24/7 center, so that no matter what time of day, parents could leave their children with us.
I am an advocate of high-quality childcare and I want to build a foundation to support the important years — from birth to five years old. I also want to provide childcare, starting at kindergarten and extending through high school.
CDR: How unusual is your service?
KW: Our service is unusual and there are only a few [agencies] that offer this type of service. We felt it was important to offer support for all ages. There is a great demand for 24/7 childcare. Many are single and are going through a divorce and they need help. It’s a very stressful time for them. But if we can provide some relief parents will have a better mindset.
Bring on the Hopeful New Year!
December 29th, 2010“Man can live about forty days without food, about three days without water, about eight minutes without air, but only for one second without hope.” – Percy Bysshe Shelley, English Romantic Poet (1792 – 1822)
I am still hopeful about many things, including the belief that my life will be better in the New Year.
Last year was a tough year, filled with financial, relationship and family challenges. But through it all I managed to maintain hope or a spiritual connection, with the assistance of great friends and a 12-step program.
So as I look back on a tumultuous year, I can clearly see how life has gotten better, not perfect, but I am no longer trudging through the days.
Although my outward circumstances have changed, I am no longer hanging my happiness and serenity on impermanent life fixtures – jobs, relationships and how much stuff I acquire.
This is a huge shift in consciousness for me. While I still aspire to have a comfortable life and all the amenities that go along with it, I now realize that without a spiritual base I really have nothing.
Don’t get me wrong: I am not a “Holy Roller.” I tend to borrow what I like from many spiritual practices, from Christianity to Buddhism. In the end, I try to do the right thing and help others when I can.
What does this all have to do about divorce? For me, it’s my inward life that gets me through the rough, rough patches.
Some of you may think this is a load of bullshit, especially when you are in the midst of the bullshit. There’s plenty of advice we’ll be doling out at our conference in Tempe Arizona January 22 through the 23rd. You’ll be hearing from financial to legal expert on divorce and relationships we’ve gathered to help you through your crisis.
But in the immediate moment, there’s hope. So as we head into the New Year, I’d like to hear how you have used hope to turn around your circumstances after a divorce or breakup.
Peace and Happy New Year!
A Community for the First
December 22nd, 2010I found a cool community called the First Wives World. It looks
like a great lifeline. Check it out and let us know what you think.
Outing a Cheating Spouse to the Kids
December 15th, 2010
Some couples use the kids as a weapon, including telling children about the cheating spouse. Even if they understood, don’t you think this does more harm?
A Kid’s Roadmap to Divorce
December 10th, 2010
While the adults are struggling to figure out divorce, what about the kids? Here’s a kid-friendly site that gently spells out what it means to them. How did your kids handle the split?
Divorce – an Easy Exit, Hardly!
December 7th, 2010
Some think divorce is an easy exit. I’ve heard stories of the bride and groom having second thoughts right before they got married. Don’t worry, friends say, you can get a divorce.
This concept of thinking there’s an easy way out intrigued me to do a little research on cultural attitudes toward marriage, divorce and relationships. When I started researching this I wondered if our overarching need to consume has unconsciously pushed us to treat relationships and marriage as disposable commodities?
I will admit that I thought (notice, pass tense) relationships grew on trees: When there was a problem, it was time to pick another plum off the tree. I consider myself a typical consumer, not too excessive, but certainly of a generation where I have seen products become more and more commoditized. Easily made, easily disposed of.
Michele Weiner-Davis, of Divorce Busters and a blogger for Psychology Today, believes that some of us are too quick to toss relationships away. She thinks divorce should be a final option. I don’t believe all relationships and marriages should be saved. I’ve seen friends go through hell and getting a divorce or splitting up was the only option. I have also seen friend go onto other relationships and turn out to be very happy.
Then again, I have friends that are always looking for love so their lives are like a revolving door of excitement – that is, until the problems start to appear. Weiner-Davis explains that half of all married couples never get through the problems and make it to what she refers to as “stage five” of contentment and deep love.
“In this stage, people are no longer in a struggle to define who they are so there is more peace and harmony in this stage. You start “liking” your spouse again.
“By the time you reach stage five you have a shared history. And although you’d both agree that marriage hasn’t been easy, you feel proud that you’ve weathered the storms,” she writes in one blog. “You have come full circle.”
That makes sense to me but I have to say — Thank god I lever made it to step five with some people! Sometimes you just got to know when it’s time to call it quits, as hard as that may be and it’s hard. But if there is any remote chance that a marriage is worth saving, Henry Gornbein, a specialist in family law, writes on the Huff Post, then it’s worth putting the time into resolving difference. He says he sees many second and subsequent marriages fail because people think they are getting a new person when in actuality it’s just new present wrapping.
So I suppose everything can be new again. But as someone who has gone through a horrendous breakup, I disagree with the sentiment that people take divorce too lightly. Few people I know make this decision lightly. I have seen individuals live unhappy for years because they wanted to make their marriage work. At the end of the day, it’s a very personal decision and culture influences rarely change our day-to-day reality of an unhealthy relationship. With all that being said I want to know your opinion.
Inside a Marriage: Let’s Call It Off
December 6th, 2010Writer Sandra Tsing Loh in the Atlantic Monthly says she can’t face another self-improvement project, that of rekindling her romance. In an intimate piece, she ponders why we need marriage. She makes some good points. 
We like to hear from you!
Divorce Attorney Optional?
December 4th, 2010
Linda Kazares, founder of ConnectedIn Divorce Resource, discusses her friendly divorce. But no matter how friendly, should legal advice be optional?
The Post-Divorce Holiday: The Gift that Keeps on Taking
December 1st, 2010Between now and New Years you’ll be hearing from a lot of people about holiday stress ad nausea. It’s an evergreen topic, but for those of us going through a divorce or having been through one, we get to experience the divorce holiday punch.
We’re not talking about the kind you drink either. The holidays have always been charged for me and this year – after a 16 year relationship exploding – it will be even more stressful, especially as friends give me a blow-by-blow description of their holiday “couples” plan.
Fortunately I have great friends and will get a chance to get out in nature – my favorite place to hang, especially when I need rejuvenation.
I know many of you struggle with the same “divorce holiday punch” and I wanted to share with you some tools that have helped me. I decided to create a grab bag of sorts, filled with helpful suggestions as to how to get through the holidays during a divorce or relationship breakup.
Here are just a few stocking stuffers:
Focus on the kids: The kids could take the focus off the split during the holidays.
Now you can avoid certain family get-togethers: Breaking up is finally a good reason not to go to the in-laws.
Seven Tips to De-Stress: As you may have guessed, exercise is just one way to reduce the stress.
Dealing with Step-Families: Dealing with one family is plenty stressful, but two families can really up the blood pressure.
Make this Holiday Your “Own”: It’s easy to think about the way things used to be and get depressed. Focus on making the holidays just as special.
While there is plenty of good advice out there, I encourage you to share what has worked for you during this holiday season. The more support we can give each other, the better the holidays.
Marriage, the Way of the Dodo?
November 30th, 2010
Some say marriage is becoming obsolete. I don’t know about that, but perhaps people are taking marriage more seriously. I want to know what you think! Please read and share you opinion.
Huff Post Also Dishes Up Divorce
November 26th, 2010
We aren’t the only ones who think we can do a better with divorce. Arianna Huffington thinks we do a “lousy” job of addressing the issue. So check it out!
Are You Mad? Represent Yourself?
November 22nd, 2010
Mandy has a great story in her blog, sincemydivorce. It’s about a woman who wants to be her own divorce attorney. Good move?
When Turkeys Fly, Remember Gratitude!
November 19th, 2010You can feel it in the air. It’s unmistakable – the downright dread that the holidays are here again.
I can feel this dread come over me: I have always hated the holidays for various reasons – flying turkeys and utter family chaos and insanity that was a staple of my childhood. This combined with whiskey and scotch made for a powerful cocktail that could be easily ignited with one wrong glance.
My mother would declare Thanksgiving was over and we barely got a morsel of food into our pie holes. I was thankful another year would go by before we would have to do the same insanity all over again.
So when this visceral reaction is triggered by decorations, people placing holiday orders at gourmet shops, Martha Stewart and Food Network Holiday specials, I rely on my 12-step fellowship, where I have learned over the years to navigate this love-hate relationship with the holidays.
I use gratitude during this time. I know it sounds off the beam and out of touch with reality, especially when you are circling the drain – you are alone and your kids and ex are together or with a new family. When my 16-year relationship exploded not long ago, the first holiday I had to experience alone was Independence Day, July 4th. I did note the irony.
Agony. However, I am thankful I’ve had time deal with the pain so I am not in the midst of a breakup during this upcoming holidays, which can be especially challenging during a divorce and separation. Not only is the family blown to pieces – I didn’t have children but animals – but friends take sides and so suddenly a holiday can look pretty dismal.
So what I fell back on this summer was a great community of friends – men and women. I found myself open to making new friends and indeed I did. As I reached out I found myself being grateful, which in the past saved me when all sorts of other calamities hit: financial hardships, death of a loved one, all great losses intensified during the holidays.
Besides thinking about gratitude, I actually make a list – I like pen and paper because it seems more personal to me. This very act helps me a lot and in my fellowship I can share it with someone who gets the importance of looking at the glass half full. Then I am usually told to reach out and help someone else.
When I first heard this bit of propaganda – I thought, ‘Help someone else, how am I going to do that when my life is hanging by a thread?’ But as it turned out all of us treads got together and made it a good holiday. That decision not to be alone – no matter how much of a loser I felt like at the moment – was at the top of my gratitude list. As a result, I’ve had some memorable holidays created by a group of people who have a common purpose to share some gratitude in their lives.
I’ve ended up at little, hole-in-the wall eateries, helping at shelters and being invited to someone’s beautiful home. I knew I was getting better when I hosted the holidays and invited as many threads I could get around a table. But I still hold my breath during the holidays – once you see a flying turkey sailing over a formal table you never quite forget that image that cooked birds can fly.
So start making your list. Here’s mine:
I am grateful for the wonderful supportive community of friends and the opportunity to build a similar community around The Divorce Resource.
I would love to hear about your tools and tricks to making the holiday season great! I look forward to your posts!
Loading ...